


Gay Bar

by thevalesofanduin



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Dancing, Durincest, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Some slight Bilbo/Kili, bagginshield, modern!AU, prompt-fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-29
Updated: 2013-09-29
Packaged: 2017-12-27 23:11:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/984765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thevalesofanduin/pseuds/thevalesofanduin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo - slightly intoxicated - found himself standing on a table with Kili in the middle of someone’s living-room, a group of drunk and eager teens watching them.<br/>Why?<br/>Because they were about to dance to Electric Six's song Gay Bar.<br/>He couldn't help but think that he so wasn't drunk enough for this shit!<br/> </p>
            </blockquote>





	Gay Bar

**Author's Note:**

  * For [essenceofthedark](https://archiveofourown.org/users/essenceofthedark/gifts).



> Prompt for my holiday prompt fest!  
> Song was [Gay Bar by Electric Six](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTN6Du3MCgI) and requested pairings were Thorin/Bilbo, Legolas/Kili or Fili/Kili. 
> 
> So here is a not-so-romantic story of how Bilbo and Kili danced to Gay Bar and how it sort of ended... well, you'll see.

_You!_  
I wanna take you to a gay bar,  
I wanna take you to a gay bar,  
I wanna take you to a gay bar, gay bar, gay bar. __

__“Get up here!”_ _

__Bilbo stared dumbly at the hand stretched out in front of his face. He raised his eyes, looking at Kili who was grinning down at him from atop of the table._ _

__Bilbo frowned. “No way. _You_ lost the bet!”_ _

__Kili laughed and squatted down, looping his arms around Bilbo’s shoulders and tugging the other close._ _

__Bilbo stumbled forward, almost falling into Kili and just barely managing to keep himself straight._ _

__“But Bilbo…” Kili started, a finger tangling around one of Bilbo’s curls and an almost filthy smirk on his lips, “if you don’t come up with me I will tell _someone_ that you want him to fuck you.”_ _

__

__That was how, not even two minutes later, an intoxicated Bilbo found himself standing on a table with Kili in the middle of someone’s living-room, a group of drunk and eager teens watching them._ _

___Oh man,_ Bilbo thought. _I’m so not drunk enough for this!__ _

__He looked around the room, feeling nervous and shy now that he knew the music was about to start. He was going to make a total fool out of himself!_ _

__That’s when he locked eyes with Thorin._ _

__Thorin, whom he’d secretly – or not so secretly because almost everyone knew but Thorin – loved for a long time now._ _

__Thorin who was looking at him and Kili like they’d gone insane._ _

___Definitely not drunk enough,_ his mind provided and he grabbed the first plastic cup in view, downing the contents without thinking about it._ _

__“Here it comes!” Nori shouted from besides the radio and the crowd cheered, plastic cups of beers raised into the air to a salute to the two guys about to do their performance._ _

__That’s when the first electric guitar notes blasted from the speakers. As the drums set in, Kili smirked and advanced on Bilbo. Kili’s hands were on his hips before he could blink, the other swaying his hips and his eyes urging Bilbo to do the same._ _

__Alcohol kicking in, the cheering of the crowd almost deafening out the music and Kili’s movements were enough to get Bilbo going._ _

__And as the words _I want to take you to a gay bar_ filled the room Bilbo hooked his arms around Kili’s neck and just gave his body over to the music._ _

__He started slowly, swaying his hips and trying to get into the rhythm. He wasn't that much of a dancer even though he'd had enough practice in his empty bedroom._ _

__"Come on, Bilbo." Kili murmured, breath ghosting over Bilbo's ear as he spoke and he nudged his forehead against the side of Bilbo's head. Kili then twirled them around, hips almost grinding against Bilbo's and he was grinning happily._ _

__Bilbo stumbled slightly before he caught his footing, all but clinging to Kili as they performed their 'dance'. He felt like a total idiot. What had he been thinking, getting up here? Perhaps it would've been better to let Kili tell Thorin the truth rather than make a complete and utter ass out of himself on the table._ _

__“Don’t get insecure now.” Kili told him almost right on cue. He grabbed Bilbo’s hands and raised them so both their arms were in the air. He ground his hips forward, swaying his hips with quick snaps to the tune of the song._ _

__Bilbo couldn’t help but follow as Kili was the guide of their sensual dance._ _

__Bilbo leaned his head against Kili’s. “I look ridiculous.” He whispered lowly._ _

__Kili laughed huskily. “Someone doesn’t seem to think so.”_ _

__Then Kili turned Bilbo around. He put his hands on Bilbo’s hips, fingers digging into the tight jeans Fili’d forced him to wear. Then Kili’s body was pressed up against Bilbo’s, chest-to-back, crotch-to-no, not thinking about that!_ _

___What the hell!_ Bilbo screamed internally, while on the outside he merely looked surprised._ _

__Suddenly, a hand was on his chin turning his head until his eyes rested on…_ _

__Oh_ _

__“Do you see that? The look in his eyes? Hell, he might even be hard.” Kili murmured into his ear and with Bilbo’s mind racing a mile a minute easily coaxed his body into their sexy dance._ _

__Bilbo’s mind, meanwhile, had stopped. Because there, in the crowd, looking at him like a starving man almost begging to touch was Thorin._ _

__Bilbo’s heart skipped a beat before speeding up, a rush of excitement coursing through his body._ _

__Oh God, he couldn’t believe Thorin was looking at him like that! It was unexpected but there was no denying the heat in Thorin’s eyes._ _

__It was exhilarating and with his new-found reason for actually dancing – and some alcohol, of course – Bilbo finally danced as Kili did._ _

__Their bodies slid together, almost matching perfectly – aside from the few times they bumped into each other – and they twirled, ground and moved around._ _

__By now, their half-drunk crowd was cheering and cat-calling, quite a lot of phones raised into the air to catch the spectacle on film – probably to go on Facebook not too long after._ _

__Suddenly someone tugged on Bilbo’s leg with greedy hands. Bilbo startled, stumbling into Kili whose arms were around his waist in an instant, glaring at the man._ _

__“C’mon. Jus’ a lil’ fun.” The guy slurred, reaching out again._ _

__“Hey!” Someone suddenly yelled._ _

__The guy looked annoyed and turned around, ready to tell the person to fuck off._ _

__But Bilbo knew he wouldn’t. Thorin looked absolutely pissed off himself and that was never a good thing._ _

__A tinge of happiness and glee curled in his gut at knowing Thorin was this angry because the guy had bothered him._ _

__He watched as Thorin came towards them through the crowd – slightly fearful of what this could turn into._ _

__Someone dropped a bottle just before Thorin stalked by and not having seen it, the man tripped over it and fell to the ground, face-down._ _

__Everyone in the room was silent, all staring at Thorin in shock._ _

__And as the words _You’re a super star_ blasted through the speakers there was nothing to keep Bilbo from bursting out in hysterics._ _

__\---_ _

__“So…” Fili mumbled, steering-wheel gripped in his hands and eyes gazing out of the window at the almost empty hospital parking-lot._ _

__“Yeah,” Kili sighed in the passenger-seat._ _

__“I hope Thorin is going to be fine.” Fili said, still looking outside._ _

__“Yeah,” Kili mumbled, fidgeting with his jacket._ _

__“I hope the nurse can patch him up quickly, too. It didn’t look too bad, though. Split eyebrow. Some stitches and he’ll be fine.” Fili spoke, glancing at his brother in the hopes of coaxing a reaction out of him._ _

__“Hm~m,” Kili hummed, turning his head to look out of the window._ _

__Fili sighed, hanging his head and dropping his hands in his lap. “Kili…”_ _

__That was when Kili turned around in his seat, facing his brother with a glare. “If you’ve got something to say, just say it!”_ _

__Silence._ _

__And then: “That was an awfully sexy dance.”_ _

__Kili looked at his brother and, rather than blurt out the first thing that came to mind, he contemplated what to say. Fili wasn't looking at him and he seemed tense but when he looked closely under the lamplight filtering into the car he could see a small flush on his brother's cheeks. That's when he realized it. Fili wasn't angry. He was jealous!_ _

__"You seemed to enjoy yourself quite a lot." Fili continued even though he didn't sound too happy with the fact._ _

__"I did," Kili nodded and then grinned teasingly. "Bilbo looked superb, didn't he?"_ _

__Fili made a soft noise which was more an evasion to answer than an answer in itself._ _

__"Or..." Kili's voice dropped to a low murmur and he leaned closer to Fili, placing his hand atop his brother's shoulder and forcing the other to look at him, his blue eyes wide. "Maybe it wasn't Bilbo you were watching..."_ _

__Fili faltered at that, eyes darting around the car to look at anything other than Kili. The tension was worse than before, his knuckles white from clenching them too hard for too long. He bit his lower-lip for a second before desperately looking at Kili. “Kee… don’t.” He pleaded._ _

__Kili slid his hand up until Fili’s cheek was cupped in the palm of his hand. He caught his brother’s eyes, holding his gaze and his voice was soft and caring when he asked: “Why not?”_ _

__“You know _why_.” Fili whispered, voice almost a whimper, a plead for his brother to back off. “It’s wrong!”_ _

__Kili shook his head, raising his other hand to cup Fili’s other cheek. His thumb brushed the soft skin of his brother’s cheek, his smile gentle and so full of love it had Fili gasp. “Then why do we both want it anyway?”_ _

__Fili swallowed. He closed his eyes and raised his hands, grabbing Kili’s wrists but instead of pushing them away he clung to them like a life-line. He opened his eyes, shaking his head just a tiny bit. “Kee, please… we can’t.”_ _

__“I don’t care.” Kili whispered. He then leaned forward, closing the last bit of distance between their lips. When his lips touched Fili’s, his eyes closed and his heart soared. And when Fili’s arms were suddenly around his neck and Fili’s lips moving against his in a kiss that was both tender and desperate Kili was certain that something that felt like this just couldn’t be wrong._ _

__\---_ _

__They had been in the waiting room for quite a while._ _

__Or, maybe it wasn’t quite that long._ _

__But when you were sitting next to your crush who got himself hurt – for your sake – and who was bleeding, quite purposefully, and grumbling, well, even fifteen minutes felt like an hour._ _

__Another nurse came into the waiting room, the sixth one since they’d arrived but none of them had actually called for Thorin so far._ _

__The nurse looked around the room, taking in the patients before glancing at the clipboard in his hand. “Mister Durin?”_ _

__“Finally,” Thorin muttered darkly._ _

__While the nurse introduced himself – Fredric, but _please_ call me Fred – he guided them to a small doctor’s office and waved his hand to the examination table. “Go have a seat, mister Durin. Don’t want you standing up for too long until I’ve had a good look at that gash.” Fred said and started getting things ready on a table standing on the wall. “I’ll just get my things ready and then I’ll have a good look at the wound. Preferably clean it, get it stitched, too and I’m quite certain with a few pain-killers you’re good to go again.”_ _

__“Good to hear. Must admit I didn’t expect this when we went to that party tonight…” Bilbo mumbled. He was still standing near the door and he shot Thorin a guilty look, feeling at least a bit responsible for the man’s situation._ _

__Thorin, though, glared at him as if to say ‘don’t you dare feel guilty, dork’. “It’s a story to say the least.”_ _

__“Indeed,” Fred said and with a small tray made his way over to Thorin. He sat down on the one chair in the room and rolled it over to Thorin. He examined the wound and then looked over his shoulder at Bilbo. “You can come over here if you want. It’s not half as bad as it looks. I’ll clean the wound and seal it with skin adhesive. Liquid stitches, so to speak.” Fred chuckled. “Looks a bit more refined and a bit less… badass, if you ask me.”_ _

__Bilbo chuckled and even Thorin cracked a smile._ _

__

__About fifteen minutes later they were standing in the hallway again._ _

__Thorin with a lot less blood covering his face, his wound properly taken care of and a ‘how to take care of your skin adhesive’ letter in his pocket._ _

__Bilbo nervously glanced at Thorin. He really did feel guilty for the turn of events._ _

__They were making their way to the exit and Bilbo just couldn’t take it anymore. He fidgeted with his shirt and blurted: “I’m sorry, Thorin… I didn’t mean to ruin your evening like that. I should have –” Bilbo halted abruptly when Thorin stopped walking._ _

__“Thorin?” Bilbo asked softly, a bit insecure._ _

__When Thorin advanced on him, pushing him against the nearest wall he cried out, looking at his friend with wide eyes. Then, one of Thorin’s hands cupped his cheek – albeit a bit roughly – and he couldn’t help but shudder._ _

__“Don’t you ever dare to do that again unless it’s a private performance for me.” Thorin’s voice was husky, raw excitement clear in every word he spoke._ _

__Bilbo breathed in heavily through his nose._ _

__Oh_ _

__He hadn’t expected that. Not that he particularly minded._ _

__Especially not when Thorin leaned forward and claimed his lips in a harsh, possessive kiss._ _

__Bilbo’s mind needed a few seconds to catch up before he started kissing back. He stood on his toes and clung to Thorin’s upper-arms, kissing back eagerly._ _

__When Bilbo pushed into the kiss a bit more, Thorin suddenly winced and turned his head away._ _

__“Sorry,” Thorin mumbled._ _

__“Shit, oh shit!” Bilbo cursed and immediately cupped Thorin’s cheeks and turned the other’s head to him so he could look at the gash. “I’m so sorry, I completely forgot… does it hurt?”_ _

__Thorin grimaced. “Not more than before.”_ _

__Bilbo sighed in relief. “Good,” he breathed and then smirked at Thorin. “Let’s get Fili to take us home, then.”_ _

__Thorin looked surprised. “You’re staying over, then?”_ _

__“Of course,” Bilbo chuckled and leaned forward to peck Thorin’s lips. “Someone has to make sure you don’t slip and knock over a lamp or something.”_ _


End file.
